I Have a Cup Problem and These Fish Are Making It Worse
I have a cup problem. Not a drinking problem — a cup problem. There is a distinction and it is important and I will not be elaborating further.
What I will say is that I was scrolling at an unreasonable hour when I found these, immediately described them to someone as “angler fish mugs,” and then had to be gently corrected. They are puffer fish. Ceramic, coral-pink, deeply unsettling puffer fish tiki mugs, with black void eyes and the general expression of something that has accepted its fate and would like a cocktail about it.
The INFTYLE Tiki Mugs come as a set of two, hold 22oz each, and arrive with metal straws. They are large enough that whatever you put inside them is less of a drink and more of a commitment. They are Hawaiian-themed tropical barware and they are $27.99 for the pair, which means each fish costs you fourteen dollars and one moment of complete surrender to whatever part of your brain makes decisions at midnight.
Here is my problem: I cannot decide what to put in them. A Bloody Mary is immediately off the table — the cups are already red and that is just a glass of soup with paperwork. Something frozen would be obvious. Something blue would be visually correct. A margarita seems like the safe choice and I resent safe choices.
What I do know is that the garnish situation in the product photos — strawberry, mint, citrus wedge, ice — is correct. These cups demand garnish. These cups are the garnish. Whatever goes inside them is almost incidental.
They come in multiple colours. I am getting red. I am putting something in them. I will report back.
Blame the internet.
